How to Sidestep Rude (But “Well-Meaning”) Comments This Thanksgiving…And Clap Back with Class, Grace, and a Dash of Wit
- by ZAKIYYAH BENJAMIN
- 19 hours ago
- 3 min read
Darlings,
Thanksgiving is upon us, which means three things are certain: turkey will be carved, football will be shouted at, and at least one relative will corner you with a question so spectacularly rude it could curdle the cranberry sauce.
Fear not. The Peerless Etiquette way is never to stoop, never to snap, and never to waste a perfectly good holiday explaining why Aunt Linda’s opinions belong in the Stone Age. Instead, we deflect with elegance, redirect with charm, and—if absolutely necessary—gently escort the offender toward self-improvement (namely, my podcast).
Here are the classics, plus the exact Peerless responses that keep your halo polished and your blood pressure low.
1. “So… you’re still single?”
Peerless Response: “Oh, darling, I’m not ‘still’ anything—I’m delightfully independent and far too busy living a fabulous life to rush Cupid’s timetable. Speaking of personal growth, have you listened to my latest podcast episode on the art of minding one’s own love life? Episode 47—it’s life-changing.”
(Smile sweetly, hand them your phone with the episode already queued.)
2. “You’ve put on a little weight, haven’t you?”
Peerless Response: “Have I? How kind of you to notice my new winter glow! I’ve decided happiness looks better on me than a size 4 ever did. You seem fascinated by transformation stories—my podcast just did a whole series on letting go of outdated opinions. I’ll text you the link; you mustn’t miss it.”
(Air-kiss, glide away like you’re wearing a ballgown instead of yoga pants.)
3. “When are you going to have (another) baby?”
Peerless Response: “Whenever the stork and I finalize the paperwork, dear. In the meantime, I’m thoroughly enjoying the children I do have—nieces, nephews, and my listeners. Funny you should mention timing; my podcast just covered ‘Questions One Should Never Ask at the Dinner Table.’ Episode 52. I’ll save you a seat in the front row of enlightenment.”
4. “Isn’t it time you got a real job?”
Peerless Response: “I do have a real job—it involves teaching the world how to behave in polite society, which, let’s be honest, is a full-time occupation. If you’re curious about turning passion into profession, I actually break it down beautifully in Episode 38. I’ll AirDrop it to you before pie.”
5. “Your political opinions are… interesting.”
Peerless Response: “How generous of you to find them interesting! I find manners even more fascinating. Coincidentally, my next episode is titled ‘How to Disagree Without Disgracing the Dinner Table.’ I’ll dedicate it to you—would you prefer I use your real name or a charming pseudonym?”
6. “You’re not drinking? Are you pregnant?”
Peerless Response: “No, darling, I’m simply committed to remembering every sparkling detail of this evening—and every sparkling detail of tomorrow morning. Hydration is the new black. Speaking of healthy choices, Episode 61 is all about respecting other people’s glasses… literal and figurative.”
The Peerless Three-Step Formula (For When You’re Caught Off Guard)
Compliment + Deflect Start with something gracious so they can’t accuse you of rudeness. (“How thoughtful of you to take an interest in my uterus/career/waistline!”)
Redirect with Charm Pivot to a neutral, pleasant topic—or straight to self-improvement via podcast. (“It’s funny you mention boundaries…”)
Exit Like Royalty Float away with a smile that says, “I have won this round and you will never know how.”
Final Thanksgiving Reminder from Mrs. Benjamin
The goal is never to win the argument; it is to remain the most serene, scented, and impeccably dressed person in the room—inside and out. Let them chew on their own words while you savor the pumpkin pie (and the knowledge that your podcast subscriber count just went up by one mortified relative).
Should you need reinforcement before the big day, Episodes 47–65 are practically a masterclass in surviving family with your dignity intact. Consider it my gift to you.
Now go forth, my darlings. Deflect, dazzle, and serve elegance with extra gravy on the side.
With impeccable affection,
Mrs. Benjamin Peerless Etiquette